• Cheryl Iliadis

Is envy holding you back?

There is a reason envy is known to be a sin in many cultures. It is a special kind of evil that grows in a person like a cancer, and it spills all over their lives and it’s a difficult trap to get out of because most stuck in envy will defend their judgments of others void of any mitigating circumstances, unable to see how obvious their pain is on the outside, holding them captive to their fears. Many confuse jealousy with envy, but they are very different gremlins. Jealousy takes at least three parties and requires interaction between those elements. Envy is a personal experience that only needs two elements, the person feeling that powerful emotion and the object of their attention. Envy is a warning bell that you have a lack needing to be filled inside yourself and you’ll notice this gremlin pop up when you decide whether someone deserves something they have or not, especially when we have no place, no such knowledge of that person, their situation, journey, agreements, contracts or how things came to be as they are today for that person. This is a chance for you to heal yourself or deny yourself like so many have done to you in the past. It’s always healthier and balanced to remember that there are always three sides to any truth, your side, their side and what’s really going on and that whatever we’re sending out into the Universe is coming back to us. I’ll use a mom example since we just celebrated mother’s day and some of us out there really struggle with the effects of our childhoods: If you see a mother give a child a loving hug and your mother was or is unavailable to give you a hug, an unhealthy person will be triggered into the blame, victim, woe is me matrix, only seeing the story through one very limiting lens where all the things that we could never achieve is all because of that. We maybe feel that there is no way to fix that kind of mess, so we internalize, swallow, pretend it doesn’t bother us, get angry, lash out, avoid, procrastinate, make a long list of excuses, say things like why does that snot-nose kid get to have a great mom like that when they don’t even care about the mom. These are all evidence of toxic gremlins running amuck in your brain keeping you stuck on the self-sabotage merry-go-round. Some people become even more toxic by taking things from others because of it, from small theft to big things like alienating loved ones, which surpasses jealousy with evil intentions. A healthy person will see the same situation and use that to motivate them to make amends with their mom if it is mendable, or it will inspire them to connect with one of their girlfriends or family alpha females to go for tea and get a hug and maybe talk about it, some will make an appointment with their therapist, some will just think it’s beautiful and that, the snot-face kid is so lucky to have that kind of love from his mom and feel that love for themselves and will nurture themselves with whatever they need, sometimes it’s ice cream and a sad movie with an honest cry about why it triggered you and decide if it’s something to cry about and accept or to make a plan how to change it. Envy makes you feel heavy, you immediately have a sinking feeling and life’s filter dims a bit and it’s why many people go off social media, because they are seeing other people’s lives through the lens of envy instead of inspiration and generosity. There is enough for us all, if we can stop seeing our pasts as a punishment and start seeing the whispers, challenges, crisis and disasters as the clues they are from our Creator on how to turn our own lives into something healthy and full of happiness, love and achievement. For those of us out there who are feeling under attack right now, like our skin is still developing it’s much needed armour and you’re putting your evil eyes out all over the place, just remember that not everything negative that happens to us is “bad”. Many things that disrupt our comfort or rip our hearts out is for our highest good and we

just can’t see it until hindsight provides the silver lining. You will be doing yourself an injustice to your spiritual journey to only consider your challenges as your enemy and proves that you distrust your Creator yourself and what you’re trying to achieve. Trust that you are expanding into your full potential and any interference with that is only trying to fine tune, cultivate or navigate you in a new direction and just like the dance… despite those who will send you their ill wishes for your successes, your show must go on! Creators will create and haters will hate and there are always more haters than creators. People who don’t consider the time, energy, motivation, dedication, hard work, effort, humiliation, competition, commitment, fight and connection it takes to achieve something they are simply wishing they had. When we feel negatively towards someone else’s success, it indicates that we are in toxic state of lack inside ourselves. For some reason we believe we cannot give that to ourselves and so instead of using it as a motivation springboard to create the life we want, we rather pooh-pooh someone else, believing they don’t deserve it. None of us are the same people we used to be anymore, if you are then you’re doing life wrong, we are here to evolve, nothing stays the same. The world has changed us whether we wanted it or not and no matter who we are or where we come from we have been through a whole big bunch of unique tragedy and triumphs in this life and we all deserve our dreams no matter our circumstances. The difference between envious people and healthy people is that healthy people see others’ achievements as a lightbulb in their soul which gives them enough energy to go after those things that make them happy, gives them joy and connects them with more healthy contacts and most often their dreams spiral and flowers and blossoms in completely different ways to what they originally had planned. This is something we all need to aim towards, finding genuine inspiration from your circle and role models. If this is something you struggle with, like so many others, therapy with me can help to shift that wiring so you can stop being chained by your lack and rather feel empowered to give yourself all those things you deserved and never got but also to help you to be realistic about what is involved in getting where you want to go. We’re not those little kids anymore, we shouldn’t be like those who denied us, we must be the leading dancer in our own shows and give it to ourselves with no more excuses or waiting for the right conditions, whilst we grow a thick skin on our way up because there are always many eyes watching, so all we have is to dance our hearts out to our own beats, there’s no one else like you, show the world what you’re made of.

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